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    r Sally and a special dresser of equal value for Jane (and so forth).

    After Mrs. Thomas has passed away, the girls come together to settle the estate and divide up the furniture and household goods, etc. At some point in the process, Jane discovers that her mother has given “her” bed to Sally. Jane loved

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    Although it sounds smart and reasonable to make a “Who Gets What List” regarding furniture and personal items as part of an estate plan, such action could cause problems rather than solve them. One of the most common stories I’ve heard is how a parent would attempt to prevent heirs from fighting over an estate by predetermining “who gets what” or by going ahead and giving things away in advance without all heirs present at the time.

    To begin with, actually doing this can be a daunting task if you try to predetermine every item. In fact, many who have tried later find that after making an attempt to do this, they determined it could never be done in reality. Also, often the most insignificant items can cause disputes, not larger or more valuable items. The following story may best illustrate this point. (This is a true story but names have been changed.):

    Let’s say Mrs. Thomas has four daughters: Sally, Jane, Beth and Ann. Twenty years after the girls have all left home and married, Mama decides to take care of estate matters and begins to designate certain items to go to her individual daughters, with the well-meaning purpose of preventing arguments among them later. She designates an antique bed in the guest room for Sally and a special dresser of equal value for Jane (and so forth).

    After Mrs. Thomas has passed away, the girls come together to settle the estate and divide up the furniture and household goods, etc. At some point in the process, Jane discovers that her mother has given “her” bed to Sally. Jane loved

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    by predetermining “who gets what” or by going ahead and giving things away in advance without all heirs present at the time.

    To begin with, actually doing this can be a daunting task if you try to predetermine every item. In fact, many who have tried later find that after making an attempt to do this, they determined it could never be done in reality. Also, often the most insignificant items can cause disputes, not larger or more valuable items. The following story may best illustrate this point. (This is a true story but names have been changed.):

    Let’s say Mrs. Thomas has four daughters: Sally, Jane, Beth and Ann. Twenty years after the girls have all left home and married, Mama decides to take care of estate matters and begins to designate certain items to go to her individual daughters, with the well-meaning purpose of preventing arguments among them later. She designates an antique bed in the guest room for Sally and a special dresser of equal value for Jane (and so forth).

    After Mrs. Thomas has passed away, the girls come together to settle the estate and divide up the furniture and household goods, etc. At some point in the process, Jane discovers that her mother has given “her” bed to Sally. Jane loved

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    y determined it could never be done in reality. Also, often the most insignificant items can cause disputes, not larger or more valuable items. The following story may best illustrate this point. (This is a true story but names have been changed.):

    Let’s say Mrs. Thomas has four daughters: Sally, Jane, Beth and Ann. Twenty years after the girls have all left home and married, Mama decides to take care of estate matters and begins to designate certain items to go to her individual daughters, with the well-meaning purpose of preventing arguments among them later. She designates an antique bed in the guest room for Sally and a special dresser of equal value for Jane (and so forth).

    After Mrs. Thomas has passed away, the girls come together to settle the estate and divide up the furniture and household goods, etc. At some point in the process, Jane discovers that her mother has given “her” bed to Sally. Jane loved

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    After Mrs. Thomas has passed away, the girls come together to settle the estate and divide up the furniture and household goods, etc. At some point in the process, Jane discovers that her mother has given “her” bed to Sally. Jane loved

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    r Sally and a special dresser of equal value for Jane (and so forth).

    After Mrs. Thomas has passed away, the girls come together to settle the estate and divide up the furniture and household goods, etc. At some point in the process, Jane discovers that her mother has given “her” bed to Sally. Jane loved that bed and it was in her room all through the years when she was growing up. She is sure this must be a mistake. Sally is delighted because she loves the bed too and thinks it will be perfect for her daughter’s room. Since Sally’s daughter is the only “granddaughter”, she is certain that is why Mama gave it to her . . .

    Well, you know the rest of the story. It happens over and over, innocently, but feelings get hurt and resentments last a long time – often forever.

    The problem was that Mama didn’t really remember that the bed had been in Jane’s room in earlier years. The girls had been away from home for more than twenty years, and she had turned that room into the guest room. She had come to think of that bed as just “the bed in the guest room.” In this manner, Mama may actually have caused conflict instead of prevented it.

    Here is a plan that might be helpful if you are approaching a move or planning to “downsize”. Consider having all of your children come for a meal together without spouses and children. (NOTE: Most attorneys agree that 75% of the problems that arise during estate settlements are brought on by spouses and children of the heirs, not the immediate heirs themselves). During the meal, discuss

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