he said sheepishly and in full retreat, "we do have sales."

“No thanks!”

My wallet is so fat with loyalty program cards that I'm busting my buttons to carry it. When I weigh in at the physician's they think I'm eating far too many desserts.

"It's the pigskin in my pocke

Just when I thought frequency marketing plans had peaked, I was hustled for 2 more, in one day.

Concluding a purchase at the local garden supply store, the cheery clerk asked if I wanted one of their cards.

“You can earn a twenty dollar certificate!”

I thought she meant right away, instantly, as a thank-you for signing-up, a benefit that I could use for seeds or lawn topper.

“All you have to do is acquire 100 points,” she continued breathlessly, “And let’s see, your $26 purchase today qualifies for, uh, one point.”

One measly point?

Are you telling me I have to spend $2,600 with you to get a $20 reward? I just tossed out a no-strings-attached 10% discount coupon from a major home improvement/gardening chain, and this is what you offer me?

My next stop was the drug store, which was recently bought and re-named by a voracious chain.

“Would you like to get one of our customer reward cards?” another beaming face asked.

By then, I was hardened, locked-and-loaded, on full alert.

“What will it get me?” I asked with a long, Clint Eastwood out-breath.

“Well, every now and then,” she said sheepishly and in full retreat, "we do have sales."

“No thanks!”

My wallet is so fat with loyalty program cards that I'm busting my buttons to carry it. When I weigh in at the physician's they think I'm eating far too many desserts.

"It's the pigskin in my pocket

right away, instantly, as a thank-you for signing-up, a benefit that I could use for seeds or lawn topper.

“All you have to do is acquire 100 points,” she continued breathlessly, “And let’s see, your $26 purchase today qualifies for, uh, one point.”

One measly point?

Are you telling me I have to spend $2,600 with you to get a $20 reward? I just tossed out a no-strings-attached 10% discount coupon from a major home improvement/gardening chain, and this is what you offer me?

My next stop was the drug store, which was recently bought and re-named by a voracious chain.

“Would you like to get one of our customer reward cards?” another beaming face asked.

By then, I was hardened, locked-and-loaded, on full alert.

“What will it get me?” I asked with a long, Clint Eastwood out-breath.

“Well, every now and then,” she said sheepishly and in full retreat, "we do have sales."

“No thanks!”

My wallet is so fat with loyalty program cards that I'm busting my buttons to carry it. When I weigh in at the physician's they think I'm eating far too many desserts.

"It's the pigskin in my pocke

re you telling me I have to spend $2,600 with you to get a $20 reward? I just tossed out a no-strings-attached 10% discount coupon from a major home improvement/gardening chain, and this is what you offer me?

My next stop was the drug store, which was recently bought and re-named by a voracious chain.

“Would you like to get one of our customer reward cards?” another beaming face asked.

By then, I was hardened, locked-and-loaded, on full alert.

“What will it get me?” I asked with a long, Clint Eastwood out-breath.

“Well, every now and then,” she said sheepishly and in full retreat, "we do have sales."

“No thanks!”

My wallet is so fat with loyalty program cards that I'm busting my buttons to carry it. When I weigh in at the physician's they think I'm eating far too many desserts.

"It's the pigskin in my pocke

a voracious chain.

“Would you like to get one of our customer reward cards?” another beaming face asked.

By then, I was hardened, locked-and-loaded, on full alert.

“What will it get me?” I asked with a long, Clint Eastwood out-breath.

“Well, every now and then,” she said sheepishly and in full retreat, "we do have sales."

“No thanks!”

My wallet is so fat with loyalty program cards that I'm busting my buttons to carry it. When I weigh in at the physician's they think I'm eating far too many desserts.

"It's the pigskin in my pocke

he said sheepishly and in full retreat, "we do have sales."

“No thanks!”

My wallet is so fat with loyalty program cards that I'm busting my buttons to carry it. When I weigh in at the physician's they think I'm eating far too many desserts.

"It's the pigskin in my pocket that's the pork chop, not me!" I try to explain.

Worse, most of these clubs and frequency plans are NOT REWARDING AT ALL.

I have one card which has found a suitable home in a junk drawer, It belongs to a warehouse grocery chain. Never have I saved a dime or received any discount by using the card.

No points accumulate. I'm not automatically entered for Hawaiian vacation drawings.

Nothing happens, except I’m sent a dumb circular containing no coupons, just plain vanilla advertising.

The next time you’re offered an unrewarding rewards card, just say no.

Tell them they’re late to the loyalty game and if they want to win, they're simply going to have to play catch-up and ante-up.