r, it's really heavy going. Eventually you tire of living at such a heightened level and swiftly, or gradually, fall to earth.

Additionally, one person might begin to think in terms of marriage while the other isn’t keen, and this could also herald problems. When the cost to your individuality becomes too great, you begin to try to change the other person. If there is resistance to change, you might insist upon it, with the likelihood of not succeeding at all and merely creating resentment. If you are still happy with each other, the power struggle begins as a prelude to the next level which usually demands commitment. This stage leads, inevitably, to a regular dating regime, to marriage itself or setting up home together. Alternatively, this is where the relationship could end as perceptions change fo

At this 'besotment' stage the relationship is viewed in an idealised manner because differences are discounted and faults are few. Details tend to be obscure and specifics are not discussed. The new couple tends to focus on similarities, always doing things to please each other, with the emphasis on how to fit and move together, almost as one. Being so besotted, mundane activities assume significant proportions, with every act scrutinised, marvelled at or assumed to have a personal message or meaning. In effect, reality is seen through rose-coloured lenses, soft-focus and deeply soothing.

One colleague told me me that, in this heady stage, her husband used to accompany her willingly everywhere she went, especially to the shops, without a murmur. He just couldn’t have enough of her company. He liked treating her to anything she wanted, getting immense pleasure from demonstrating his generosity, and always had a surprise for her. Three years into the marriage, she complained that he just sat in front of the television every weekend like a slob, whingeing about how much money she spends on clothes and bemoaning the time she spends shopping. There seemed to be little desire to impress her anymore; no need to fulfil her expectations. Having bagged her as his wife, he was now more secure about her and this affected his perception of the situation. This also lowered his expectation of her while he ignored her expectations of him.

His behaviour might be disappointing, but not so surprising. At the ‘besotment’ stage, fulfilling expectations is essential for progress. We wouldn’t get very far just doing what we like when we are trying to impress another person, so partners tend to be very cautious about saying or doing the ‘wrong’ thing in case it is not taken as expected. The chosen one is also the most important individual in the world at this time, the object of adoration and pleasure. Friends and family are likely to complain that they never see you any more.

Time for Taking Chances and Risks
Above all, as you are blind to the person’s faults – and looks – or consider them insignificant, heaven help the friend who passes an adverse comment about how ugly or boring they are! That is why it is often futile for parents to advise their children negatively about a new soulmate at this stage. This is the worst time to expect them to see what parents can see. The emphasis on romance in this phase allows you to take chances and risks. It nurtures a belief that ‘I can do it’ or ‘Anything is possible’. The focus is really on a positive present – not the future, because that is still undecided.

This besotment stage is extraordinarily powerful and tends to be terribly exhausting. Being emotionally draining and dependent upon consistent maintenance of its positive nature, it is difficult to sustain over too long a period and is thus guaranteed to be relatively short, lasting typically from two months to two years. As both of you are virtually living a lie at this time, not really revealing your true selves, romancing keeps you on your guard and takes up a lot of energy and time – not to mention money! What with all the courting needed and the pretensions of trying to be the same as your partner, it's really heavy going. Eventually you tire of living at such a heightened level and swiftly, or gradually, fall to earth.

Additionally, one person might begin to think in terms of marriage while the other isn’t keen, and this could also herald problems. When the cost to your individuality becomes too great, you begin to try to change the other person. If there is resistance to change, you might insist upon it, with the likelihood of not succeeding at all and merely creating resentment. If you are still happy with each other, the power struggle begins as a prelude to the next level which usually demands commitment. This stage leads, inevitably, to a regular dating regime, to marriage itself or setting up home together. Alternatively, this is where the relationship could end as perceptions change for

ating her to anything she wanted, getting immense pleasure from demonstrating his generosity, and always had a surprise for her. Three years into the marriage, she complained that he just sat in front of the television every weekend like a slob, whingeing about how much money she spends on clothes and bemoaning the time she spends shopping. There seemed to be little desire to impress her anymore; no need to fulfil her expectations. Having bagged her as his wife, he was now more secure about her and this affected his perception of the situation. This also lowered his expectation of her while he ignored her expectations of him.

His behaviour might be disappointing, but not so surprising. At the ‘besotment’ stage, fulfilling expectations is essential for progress. We wouldn’t get very far just doing what we like when we are trying to impress another person, so partners tend to be very cautious about saying or doing the ‘wrong’ thing in case it is not taken as expected. The chosen one is also the most important individual in the world at this time, the object of adoration and pleasure. Friends and family are likely to complain that they never see you any more.

Time for Taking Chances and Risks
Above all, as you are blind to the person’s faults – and looks – or consider them insignificant, heaven help the friend who passes an adverse comment about how ugly or boring they are! That is why it is often futile for parents to advise their children negatively about a new soulmate at this stage. This is the worst time to expect them to see what parents can see. The emphasis on romance in this phase allows you to take chances and risks. It nurtures a belief that ‘I can do it’ or ‘Anything is possible’. The focus is really on a positive present – not the future, because that is still undecided.

This besotment stage is extraordinarily powerful and tends to be terribly exhausting. Being emotionally draining and dependent upon consistent maintenance of its positive nature, it is difficult to sustain over too long a period and is thus guaranteed to be relatively short, lasting typically from two months to two years. As both of you are virtually living a lie at this time, not really revealing your true selves, romancing keeps you on your guard and takes up a lot of energy and time – not to mention money! What with all the courting needed and the pretensions of trying to be the same as your partner, it's really heavy going. Eventually you tire of living at such a heightened level and swiftly, or gradually, fall to earth.

Additionally, one person might begin to think in terms of marriage while the other isn’t keen, and this could also herald problems. When the cost to your individuality becomes too great, you begin to try to change the other person. If there is resistance to change, you might insist upon it, with the likelihood of not succeeding at all and merely creating resentment. If you are still happy with each other, the power struggle begins as a prelude to the next level which usually demands commitment. This stage leads, inevitably, to a regular dating regime, to marriage itself or setting up home together. Alternatively, this is where the relationship could end as perceptions change fo

we like when we are trying to impress another person, so partners tend to be very cautious about saying or doing the ‘wrong’ thing in case it is not taken as expected. The chosen one is also the most important individual in the world at this time, the object of adoration and pleasure. Friends and family are likely to complain that they never see you any more.

Time for Taking Chances and Risks
Above all, as you are blind to the person’s faults – and looks – or consider them insignificant, heaven help the friend who passes an adverse comment about how ugly or boring they are! That is why it is often futile for parents to advise their children negatively about a new soulmate at this stage. This is the worst time to expect them to see what parents can see. The emphasis on romance in this phase allows you to take chances and risks. It nurtures a belief that ‘I can do it’ or ‘Anything is possible’. The focus is really on a positive present – not the future, because that is still undecided.

This besotment stage is extraordinarily powerful and tends to be terribly exhausting. Being emotionally draining and dependent upon consistent maintenance of its positive nature, it is difficult to sustain over too long a period and is thus guaranteed to be relatively short, lasting typically from two months to two years. As both of you are virtually living a lie at this time, not really revealing your true selves, romancing keeps you on your guard and takes up a lot of energy and time – not to mention money! What with all the courting needed and the pretensions of trying to be the same as your partner, it's really heavy going. Eventually you tire of living at such a heightened level and swiftly, or gradually, fall to earth.

Additionally, one person might begin to think in terms of marriage while the other isn’t keen, and this could also herald problems. When the cost to your individuality becomes too great, you begin to try to change the other person. If there is resistance to change, you might insist upon it, with the likelihood of not succeeding at all and merely creating resentment. If you are still happy with each other, the power struggle begins as a prelude to the next level which usually demands commitment. This stage leads, inevitably, to a regular dating regime, to marriage itself or setting up home together. Alternatively, this is where the relationship could end as perceptions change fo

phase allows you to take chances and risks. It nurtures a belief that ‘I can do it’ or ‘Anything is possible’. The focus is really on a positive present – not the future, because that is still undecided.

This besotment stage is extraordinarily powerful and tends to be terribly exhausting. Being emotionally draining and dependent upon consistent maintenance of its positive nature, it is difficult to sustain over too long a period and is thus guaranteed to be relatively short, lasting typically from two months to two years. As both of you are virtually living a lie at this time, not really revealing your true selves, romancing keeps you on your guard and takes up a lot of energy and time – not to mention money! What with all the courting needed and the pretensions of trying to be the same as your partner, it's really heavy going. Eventually you tire of living at such a heightened level and swiftly, or gradually, fall to earth.

Additionally, one person might begin to think in terms of marriage while the other isn’t keen, and this could also herald problems. When the cost to your individuality becomes too great, you begin to try to change the other person. If there is resistance to change, you might insist upon it, with the likelihood of not succeeding at all and merely creating resentment. If you are still happy with each other, the power struggle begins as a prelude to the next level which usually demands commitment. This stage leads, inevitably, to a regular dating regime, to marriage itself or setting up home together. Alternatively, this is where the relationship could end as perceptions change fo

r, it's really heavy going. Eventually you tire of living at such a heightened level and swiftly, or gradually, fall to earth.

Additionally, one person might begin to think in terms of marriage while the other isn’t keen, and this could also herald problems. When the cost to your individuality becomes too great, you begin to try to change the other person. If there is resistance to change, you might insist upon it, with the likelihood of not succeeding at all and merely creating resentment. If you are still happy with each other, the power struggle begins as a prelude to the next level which usually demands commitment. This stage leads, inevitably, to a regular dating regime, to marriage itself or setting up home together. Alternatively, this is where the relationship could end as perceptions change for the worse.