talking to your ‘card board image’ instead of the ‘ever changing you’. They are referring to the you that they knew when you where in University together. This can be stressful, especially if there is a strong desire in your friend for you to BE the old seRelationships with good friends are always wonderful. Is that true? Have you ever had the experience with someone you dearly like as a friend that it just feels exhausting to be with them sometimes? One reason might be the ‘cardboard image’ effect.

When you first meet another person you create a file in your head with the information you gather. Every time you meet, new information is added to the file. After a while you believe you know this person and you have some expectations on how they should behave. When the other person does not act based on the information on your file (your expectations) one reaction might be: ‘But hey, on my file it says “always happy”, so why are you so annoyed?’ Another reaction might be: ‘No, this is not the way I know you; you’re supposed to behave like this….’ These reactions are directed at the ‘card board image’ you have of someone else, their stored data on your file.

And what does it look like from the other side? You might have a conversation where your friend is talking to your ‘card board image’ instead of the ‘ever changing you’. They are referring to the you that they knew when you where in University together. This can be stressful, especially if there is a strong desire in your friend for you to BE the old se

hen you first meet another person you create a file in your head with the information you gather. Every time you meet, new information is added to the file. After a while you believe you know this person and you have some expectations on how they should behave. When the other person does not act based on the information on your file (your expectations) one reaction might be: ‘But hey, on my file it says “always happy”, so why are you so annoyed?’ Another reaction might be: ‘No, this is not the way I know you; you’re supposed to behave like this….’ These reactions are directed at the ‘card board image’ you have of someone else, their stored data on your file.

And what does it look like from the other side? You might have a conversation where your friend is talking to your ‘card board image’ instead of the ‘ever changing you’. They are referring to the you that they knew when you where in University together. This can be stressful, especially if there is a strong desire in your friend for you to BE the old se

ave. When the other person does not act based on the information on your file (your expectations) one reaction might be: ‘But hey, on my file it says “always happy”, so why are you so annoyed?’ Another reaction might be: ‘No, this is not the way I know you; you’re supposed to behave like this….’ These reactions are directed at the ‘card board image’ you have of someone else, their stored data on your file.

And what does it look like from the other side? You might have a conversation where your friend is talking to your ‘card board image’ instead of the ‘ever changing you’. They are referring to the you that they knew when you where in University together. This can be stressful, especially if there is a strong desire in your friend for you to BE the old se

you’re supposed to behave like this….’ These reactions are directed at the ‘card board image’ you have of someone else, their stored data on your file.

And what does it look like from the other side? You might have a conversation where your friend is talking to your ‘card board image’ instead of the ‘ever changing you’. They are referring to the you that they knew when you where in University together. This can be stressful, especially if there is a strong desire in your friend for you to BE the old se

talking to your ‘card board image’ instead of the ‘ever changing you’. They are referring to the you that they knew when you where in University together. This can be stressful, especially if there is a strong desire in your friend for you to BE the old self they are used to, your ‘card board image’, or a disappointment over the fact that you are not. You feel as if your friend is not really talking to you but a former variation of yourself. There is a sense of not being acknowledged for being yourself and you might want to say: ‘Hello, I’m no longer that person in University; I have developed since then…’

So next time you meet up with a friend leave some space in your file to add more information on however that person presents in that moment anew.