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  • Digg it UP - Relationship Advice: The Why and the What of Making Things Better in Your Relationship

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    is happening and the benefits of concentrating on the what are we going to do about it.

    Dangers of the Why

    • Figuring out the why lulls you into a fa
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      A common piece of relationship advice I give to the couple whom I coach is to avoid concentrating on the topic of why things are so bad and concentrate on the what of what are we going to do about it.

      This happens with so many couples and it gets them in trouble. The pop psychology of our culture has taught us that if can figure out the why of something then we can either fix it or it will just magically go away.

      In relationships most bad things do not go away on their own. This is especially true when couples have drifted apart. It takes conscious attention and intention to get things back on track.

      Let's take a look at the dangers of focusing on the why is this happening and the benefits of concentrating on the what are we going to do about it.

      Dangers of the Why

      • Figuring out the why lulls you into a fal
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        are we going to do about it.

        This happens with so many couples and it gets them in trouble. The pop psychology of our culture has taught us that if can figure out the why of something then we can either fix it or it will just magically go away.

        In relationships most bad things do not go away on their own. This is especially true when couples have drifted apart. It takes conscious attention and intention to get things back on track.

        Let's take a look at the dangers of focusing on the why is this happening and the benefits of concentrating on the what are we going to do about it.

        Dangers of the Why

        • Figuring out the why lulls you into a fa
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          e why of something then we can either fix it or it will just magically go away.

          In relationships most bad things do not go away on their own. This is especially true when couples have drifted apart. It takes conscious attention and intention to get things back on track.

          Let's take a look at the dangers of focusing on the why is this happening and the benefits of concentrating on the what are we going to do about it.

          Dangers of the Why

          • Figuring out the why lulls you into a fa
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            when couples have drifted apart. It takes conscious attention and intention to get things back on track.

            Let's take a look at the dangers of focusing on the why is this happening and the benefits of concentrating on the what are we going to do about it.

            Dangers of the Why

            • Figuring out the why lulls you into a fa
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              is happening and the benefits of concentrating on the what are we going to do about it.

              Dangers of the Why

              • Figuring out the why lulls you into a false belief that you have actually accomplished something.
              • We tend to think that if we know why someone is doing something that things will just magically change.
              • Creates a blaming and defensiveness cycle that is tough to break
              • Focuses on the past which is something we can do nothing about
              • Leads to excuses not to change. As in "Well, I can't help because of (fill in the blank with whatever bad stuff happened to you as a kid).
              • Leads to a shirking of responsibility for change. As in "If only you would (fill in the blank) everything would be just fine."
              • Not much hope here.

              Benefits of the What

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