or withdraw from them. You may sulk or play emotional games. There are a myriad of ways in which people learn to deal with people and circumstances they can’t control.

Imagine for a moment that you have two outside-in people in a relationship together. Chaos will rule. Emotional turmoil will be the standard by which they treat each other. Growth will not occur and ego’s will rule the day.

If one of the partners in a relationship is outside-in and the other inside-out, the inside-out person will always be trying to help the other – see the light – often in vain. If the outside-in person is unwilling to grow e

There are numerous challenges, circumstances, people and issues that can have both a positive and negative impact on the quality of a relationship. Here are some of the common ones that can place external demands on a relationship thereby causing it to lose some of its intimacy, integrity, passion and even interest.

-Children
-In-laws
-Careers
-Outside interests
-Friends
-Money or the lack of it
-Stress

Having said this I want to make it clear that the issues in the previous paragraph are not part of relationships. Let me explain. Intimacy and integrity are not in relationships. Relationships are neutral entities. For example, if integrity has left a relationship it is not because it is no longer in the relationship it is because it has left one or both of the people in it.

Why then do the items in the above list cause people to lose some of these feelings, attitudes, beliefs or behaviors?

Most of our society lives their life out-side in rather than inside-out. This means that most people have turned the responsibility for their happiness, success, inner peace and behaviors over to the outside world. Just watch someone re-act to a careless driver who has cut them off or an insensitive friend who has just leveled a criticism. Most people let other people or outside circumstances determine the quality of their conversation, thinking and often even their beliefs.

When something happens in your life that you don’t like, don’t want, you didn’t anticipate or troubles you - typically outside-in people have to point the finger at someone or something else – they seldom bring the learning back to themselves. This tends to relieve them of any responsibility for personal growth or change.

Then there are inside-out people. These people understand that everything in their life is about them and their personal control. They take full responsibility for their reactions, responses, feelings, behaviors and actions. These people never blame, criticize, judge, invalidate or manipulate others. Their simple life philosophy is that whatever happens in their life comes to them as a teacher to help them grow, mature, learn and understand themselves and their world.

Back to our list.

If you are an outside-in person many of the items in this list will tend to cause you angst or stress you out therefore causing you to respond in some way that may have a negative impact on your relationship. You may strike out at your partner or withdraw from them. You may sulk or play emotional games. There are a myriad of ways in which people learn to deal with people and circumstances they can’t control.

Imagine for a moment that you have two outside-in people in a relationship together. Chaos will rule. Emotional turmoil will be the standard by which they treat each other. Growth will not occur and ego’s will rule the day.

If one of the partners in a relationship is outside-in and the other inside-out, the inside-out person will always be trying to help the other – see the light – often in vain. If the outside-in person is unwilling to grow em

elationships are neutral entities. For example, if integrity has left a relationship it is not because it is no longer in the relationship it is because it has left one or both of the people in it.

Why then do the items in the above list cause people to lose some of these feelings, attitudes, beliefs or behaviors?

Most of our society lives their life out-side in rather than inside-out. This means that most people have turned the responsibility for their happiness, success, inner peace and behaviors over to the outside world. Just watch someone re-act to a careless driver who has cut them off or an insensitive friend who has just leveled a criticism. Most people let other people or outside circumstances determine the quality of their conversation, thinking and often even their beliefs.

When something happens in your life that you don’t like, don’t want, you didn’t anticipate or troubles you - typically outside-in people have to point the finger at someone or something else – they seldom bring the learning back to themselves. This tends to relieve them of any responsibility for personal growth or change.

Then there are inside-out people. These people understand that everything in their life is about them and their personal control. They take full responsibility for their reactions, responses, feelings, behaviors and actions. These people never blame, criticize, judge, invalidate or manipulate others. Their simple life philosophy is that whatever happens in their life comes to them as a teacher to help them grow, mature, learn and understand themselves and their world.

Back to our list.

If you are an outside-in person many of the items in this list will tend to cause you angst or stress you out therefore causing you to respond in some way that may have a negative impact on your relationship. You may strike out at your partner or withdraw from them. You may sulk or play emotional games. There are a myriad of ways in which people learn to deal with people and circumstances they can’t control.

Imagine for a moment that you have two outside-in people in a relationship together. Chaos will rule. Emotional turmoil will be the standard by which they treat each other. Growth will not occur and ego’s will rule the day.

If one of the partners in a relationship is outside-in and the other inside-out, the inside-out person will always be trying to help the other – see the light – often in vain. If the outside-in person is unwilling to grow e

riend who has just leveled a criticism. Most people let other people or outside circumstances determine the quality of their conversation, thinking and often even their beliefs.

When something happens in your life that you don’t like, don’t want, you didn’t anticipate or troubles you - typically outside-in people have to point the finger at someone or something else – they seldom bring the learning back to themselves. This tends to relieve them of any responsibility for personal growth or change.

Then there are inside-out people. These people understand that everything in their life is about them and their personal control. They take full responsibility for their reactions, responses, feelings, behaviors and actions. These people never blame, criticize, judge, invalidate or manipulate others. Their simple life philosophy is that whatever happens in their life comes to them as a teacher to help them grow, mature, learn and understand themselves and their world.

Back to our list.

If you are an outside-in person many of the items in this list will tend to cause you angst or stress you out therefore causing you to respond in some way that may have a negative impact on your relationship. You may strike out at your partner or withdraw from them. You may sulk or play emotional games. There are a myriad of ways in which people learn to deal with people and circumstances they can’t control.

Imagine for a moment that you have two outside-in people in a relationship together. Chaos will rule. Emotional turmoil will be the standard by which they treat each other. Growth will not occur and ego’s will rule the day.

If one of the partners in a relationship is outside-in and the other inside-out, the inside-out person will always be trying to help the other – see the light – often in vain. If the outside-in person is unwilling to grow e

nal control. They take full responsibility for their reactions, responses, feelings, behaviors and actions. These people never blame, criticize, judge, invalidate or manipulate others. Their simple life philosophy is that whatever happens in their life comes to them as a teacher to help them grow, mature, learn and understand themselves and their world.

Back to our list.

If you are an outside-in person many of the items in this list will tend to cause you angst or stress you out therefore causing you to respond in some way that may have a negative impact on your relationship. You may strike out at your partner or withdraw from them. You may sulk or play emotional games. There are a myriad of ways in which people learn to deal with people and circumstances they can’t control.

Imagine for a moment that you have two outside-in people in a relationship together. Chaos will rule. Emotional turmoil will be the standard by which they treat each other. Growth will not occur and ego’s will rule the day.

If one of the partners in a relationship is outside-in and the other inside-out, the inside-out person will always be trying to help the other – see the light – often in vain. If the outside-in person is unwilling to grow e

or withdraw from them. You may sulk or play emotional games. There are a myriad of ways in which people learn to deal with people and circumstances they can’t control.

Imagine for a moment that you have two outside-in people in a relationship together. Chaos will rule. Emotional turmoil will be the standard by which they treat each other. Growth will not occur and ego’s will rule the day.

If one of the partners in a relationship is outside-in and the other inside-out, the inside-out person will always be trying to help the other – see the light – often in vain. If the outside-in person is unwilling to grow emotionally eventually the inside-out person may soon tire of trying and develop some of the same tactics of the outside-in person – withdrawal, finding other interests that permit them to avoid their partner.

The key to a successful relationship is the ability to discuss openly and honestly without personal agendas any issue that may be having a negative impact on the relationship. If you can’t do this then you both may as well learn to enjoy your solitude.