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Ouch. This is one the most rigid stances you can have when you're communicating. It leaves no room for understanding or appreciation for the other person's experience. Not to mention that it can leave you feeling very defensive. It's all about winning and losing when you're attached to this story.

Try this: Instead of focusing on who's right and who's wrong, get in touch with how much you care about the person you're talking with. Notice how they're trying to share something with you that's important to them. They may even be passionate about it. What would you be able to appreciate about that person (and what was being said) if you didn't believe they were wrong?

Communication Barrier #2: "I need you to like me."

When this belief is part of your core operating system, you'll usually find yourself on one of two extremes: super talkative or super quiet. In either case, you wind up trying to be a chameleon - changing yourself into what you think the other person would like. And yet your partner doesn't even get a chance to like you because they only see who you're trying to be.

Try this: Start noticing the moments when you're trying to manipulate how another person sees you. Become aware of the things you do or say. Notice how you move your body when you believe that you need them to lik

of focusing on who's right and who's wrong, get in touch with how much you care about the person you're talking with. Notice how they're trying to share something with you that's important to them. They may even be passionate about it. What would you be able to appreciate about that person (and what was being said) if you didn't believe they were wrong?

Communication Barrier #2: "I need you to like me."

When this belief is part of your core operating system, you'll usually find yourself on one of two extremes: super talkative or super quiet. In either case, you wind up trying to be a chameleon - changing yourself into what you think the other person would like. And yet your partner doesn't even get a chance to like you because they only see who you're trying to be.

Try this: Start noticing the moments when you're trying to manipulate how another person sees you. Become aware of the things you do or say. Notice how you move your body when you believe that you need them to lik

re wrong?

Communication Barrier #2: "I need you to like me."

When this belief is part of your core operating system, you'll usually find yourself on one of two extremes: super talkative or super quiet. In either case, you wind up trying to be a chameleon - changing yourself into what you think the other person would like. And yet your partner doesn't even get a chance to like you because they only see who you're trying to be.

Try this: Start noticing the moments when you're trying to manipulate how another person sees you. Become aware of the things you do or say. Notice how you move your body when you believe that you need them to lik

ike. And yet your partner doesn't even get a chance to like you because they only see who you're trying to be.

Try this: Start noticing the moments when you're trying to manipulate how another person sees you. Become aware of the things you do or say. Notice how you move your body when you believe that you need them to like you.

Gather that information about yourself, then the next time you interact with someone, you can watch for those signals that you're assuming you need that person to like you. Who would you be without that assumption?

Communication Barrier #3: "I need you to understand me."

If you believe this thought, you probably do a lot of interrupting, explaining, and justifying. Why? Because you're looking for specific proof that the other person "gets" what you're saying. Once you say something to another person, it's not yours anymore. It's theirs. So having an attachment to what the other person does with your sharing can hurt.

This thought can also keep you from being able to listen fully because you're so busy trying to get your point across. Everyone wants to be heard, but not everyone is willing to stop talking so that they can listen. Will you be the one?

Try this: For at least a day, don't interrupt anyone - even in your mind. Wait to speak until the other person has completely finished her train of thought and there's some silence. Breathe into the silence.

Notice what it's like to live without the urgency of having something important to say. And if the other person doesn't seem to understand you...can you be okay with that?

Communication Barrier #4: "When you said that, you really m