into your brain you can never be responsible for anyone else’s choices. You can only be responsible for your own. You can offer restitution for your own misdeeds, but you cannot change another person. That is their responsibility! (Terri Cole-Whittaker’s book “What You Think of Me Is None Of My Business” is an excellent source of self-understanding and self-responsibility.)

Existing for an extended time in hopelessness and anger is not healthy and can lead to depression. If you feel you are stuck, or entertaining suicidal thoughts, contact a professional. Depression is an illness. If you had pneumonia or the flu you would seek medical advice and so it is with depression, a professional is a necessity. If you love your spouse but they w

What is the mirror test? Hold a hand mirror in front of your face. How much of you, can you see? Not much really. You see your face and hair, eyes, nose, etc. This is all that you see and feel and know when in the midst of impending marital turmoil, or loss of one you love. You may see nothing if your tears are blinding you.

You can’t see the whole you, you won’t recognize the future or even the present. You just see the sad eyes and the pain therein.

Until you are able to pull the mirror away from your face the rest of you will be non-existent.

Understanding why this is happening to you; thinking clearly, knowing what to do; learning how to change your focus will only come with time. Some folks can hide the mirror long enough to plow through their daily routine and pretend all is well until the evening comes and the loneliness and pain return.

In reality that is a self-preservation technique. A healthy part of our humanness takes over and says, “ Enough, I can’t take anymore suffering therefore, I just won’t let it enter my thoughts.”

Eventually holding the anxiety becomes a buildup of anger, and resentment, a fire inside of us that can burst out uncontrollably. It may present itself as a gush of tears that will not stop, tears that slip out when we least expect them. Some folks pain, presents unexpected anger at anyone who is in earshot (the expression lashing out is the perfect description.)

Colleagues, friends and family members are amazed at the vehemence we spew and are dismayed. Some may attack back at us. Unless we understand that that release is in reality, a good thing as long as we don’t harm someone or lose it in front of our boss. It is a wakeup call. The shock and numbness have begun to wear off and the really hard part of taking on reality has arrived. The mirror has been moved farther away and we are beginning to see more of the future. A healthy reaction to that release is to seek help now! Maybe an understanding friend or a support group that is non-judgmental. A counselor or therapist, who will walk us through the deep waters that seem to be washing over us, is essential now.

Hopefully writing one’s real feelings or pummeling a punching bag, running, lifting weights or some other physical releases can release our anger.

Seek out a person or persons who have walked down the same road, not someone, who is happily married, regardless of how kind and patient they try to be; they do not totally understand your pain.

Somewhere along the way we all ask the question why? The ”Why” may appear before the anger or after it, but it will appear. Trying to understand what happened is part of the healing. Occasionally we remain baffled by the answers we uncover. It is important not to fall into too much guilt, during this time. This is self-destructive if we dwell on it. The guilt may not be yours to claim. Acceptance and a sense of moving in a forward direction is our goal.

Regardless of what anyone has pumped into your brain you can never be responsible for anyone else’s choices. You can only be responsible for your own. You can offer restitution for your own misdeeds, but you cannot change another person. That is their responsibility! (Terri Cole-Whittaker’s book “What You Think of Me Is None Of My Business” is an excellent source of self-understanding and self-responsibility.)

Existing for an extended time in hopelessness and anger is not healthy and can lead to depression. If you feel you are stuck, or entertaining suicidal thoughts, contact a professional. Depression is an illness. If you had pneumonia or the flu you would seek medical advice and so it is with depression, a professional is a necessity. If you love your spouse but they wa

ow through their daily routine and pretend all is well until the evening comes and the loneliness and pain return.

In reality that is a self-preservation technique. A healthy part of our humanness takes over and says, “ Enough, I can’t take anymore suffering therefore, I just won’t let it enter my thoughts.”

Eventually holding the anxiety becomes a buildup of anger, and resentment, a fire inside of us that can burst out uncontrollably. It may present itself as a gush of tears that will not stop, tears that slip out when we least expect them. Some folks pain, presents unexpected anger at anyone who is in earshot (the expression lashing out is the perfect description.)

Colleagues, friends and family members are amazed at the vehemence we spew and are dismayed. Some may attack back at us. Unless we understand that that release is in reality, a good thing as long as we don’t harm someone or lose it in front of our boss. It is a wakeup call. The shock and numbness have begun to wear off and the really hard part of taking on reality has arrived. The mirror has been moved farther away and we are beginning to see more of the future. A healthy reaction to that release is to seek help now! Maybe an understanding friend or a support group that is non-judgmental. A counselor or therapist, who will walk us through the deep waters that seem to be washing over us, is essential now.

Hopefully writing one’s real feelings or pummeling a punching bag, running, lifting weights or some other physical releases can release our anger.

Seek out a person or persons who have walked down the same road, not someone, who is happily married, regardless of how kind and patient they try to be; they do not totally understand your pain.

Somewhere along the way we all ask the question why? The ”Why” may appear before the anger or after it, but it will appear. Trying to understand what happened is part of the healing. Occasionally we remain baffled by the answers we uncover. It is important not to fall into too much guilt, during this time. This is self-destructive if we dwell on it. The guilt may not be yours to claim. Acceptance and a sense of moving in a forward direction is our goal.

Regardless of what anyone has pumped into your brain you can never be responsible for anyone else’s choices. You can only be responsible for your own. You can offer restitution for your own misdeeds, but you cannot change another person. That is their responsibility! (Terri Cole-Whittaker’s book “What You Think of Me Is None Of My Business” is an excellent source of self-understanding and self-responsibility.)

Existing for an extended time in hopelessness and anger is not healthy and can lead to depression. If you feel you are stuck, or entertaining suicidal thoughts, contact a professional. Depression is an illness. If you had pneumonia or the flu you would seek medical advice and so it is with depression, a professional is a necessity. If you love your spouse but they w

e spew and are dismayed. Some may attack back at us. Unless we understand that that release is in reality, a good thing as long as we don’t harm someone or lose it in front of our boss. It is a wakeup call. The shock and numbness have begun to wear off and the really hard part of taking on reality has arrived. The mirror has been moved farther away and we are beginning to see more of the future. A healthy reaction to that release is to seek help now! Maybe an understanding friend or a support group that is non-judgmental. A counselor or therapist, who will walk us through the deep waters that seem to be washing over us, is essential now.

Hopefully writing one’s real feelings or pummeling a punching bag, running, lifting weights or some other physical releases can release our anger.

Seek out a person or persons who have walked down the same road, not someone, who is happily married, regardless of how kind and patient they try to be; they do not totally understand your pain.

Somewhere along the way we all ask the question why? The ”Why” may appear before the anger or after it, but it will appear. Trying to understand what happened is part of the healing. Occasionally we remain baffled by the answers we uncover. It is important not to fall into too much guilt, during this time. This is self-destructive if we dwell on it. The guilt may not be yours to claim. Acceptance and a sense of moving in a forward direction is our goal.

Regardless of what anyone has pumped into your brain you can never be responsible for anyone else’s choices. You can only be responsible for your own. You can offer restitution for your own misdeeds, but you cannot change another person. That is their responsibility! (Terri Cole-Whittaker’s book “What You Think of Me Is None Of My Business” is an excellent source of self-understanding and self-responsibility.)

Existing for an extended time in hopelessness and anger is not healthy and can lead to depression. If you feel you are stuck, or entertaining suicidal thoughts, contact a professional. Depression is an illness. If you had pneumonia or the flu you would seek medical advice and so it is with depression, a professional is a necessity. If you love your spouse but they w

ther physical releases can release our anger.

Seek out a person or persons who have walked down the same road, not someone, who is happily married, regardless of how kind and patient they try to be; they do not totally understand your pain.

Somewhere along the way we all ask the question why? The ”Why” may appear before the anger or after it, but it will appear. Trying to understand what happened is part of the healing. Occasionally we remain baffled by the answers we uncover. It is important not to fall into too much guilt, during this time. This is self-destructive if we dwell on it. The guilt may not be yours to claim. Acceptance and a sense of moving in a forward direction is our goal.

Regardless of what anyone has pumped into your brain you can never be responsible for anyone else’s choices. You can only be responsible for your own. You can offer restitution for your own misdeeds, but you cannot change another person. That is their responsibility! (Terri Cole-Whittaker’s book “What You Think of Me Is None Of My Business” is an excellent source of self-understanding and self-responsibility.)

Existing for an extended time in hopelessness and anger is not healthy and can lead to depression. If you feel you are stuck, or entertaining suicidal thoughts, contact a professional. Depression is an illness. If you had pneumonia or the flu you would seek medical advice and so it is with depression, a professional is a necessity. If you love your spouse but they w

into your brain you can never be responsible for anyone else’s choices. You can only be responsible for your own. You can offer restitution for your own misdeeds, but you cannot change another person. That is their responsibility! (Terri Cole-Whittaker’s book “What You Think of Me Is None Of My Business” is an excellent source of self-understanding and self-responsibility.)

Existing for an extended time in hopelessness and anger is not healthy and can lead to depression. If you feel you are stuck, or entertaining suicidal thoughts, contact a professional. Depression is an illness. If you had pneumonia or the flu you would seek medical advice and so it is with depression, a professional is a necessity. If you love your spouse but they want to leave, remember they are not the same person you fell in love with, they have become someone different. You cannot change a person who does not want to change. Try to work towards acceptance.

With a little effort and work on yourself, your reflection in the mirror will be that of a new person, strong, confident and ready to move on in a different direction with your life. Divorce and loss, is a life experience that makes you strong. There is life after loss!

“You are like a teabag…only in hot water do you realize how strong you are.”