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    ntinuing conflict long after the divorce, you are teaching your children by your actions that problems can't be solved.

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    Fighting over your kids (custody, visitation, parenting) is the worst possible thing that can happen to you or your kids--it's always ugly. Studies show that harm to children is more closely related to conflict after the divorce. Everyone has conflict before and during a divorce, but if you want to protect your children, get finished with the conflict and resolve it, at least within yourself, as quickly as possible. Children learn much more by what you model than by what you say. By continuing conflict long after the divorce, you are teaching your children by your actions that problems can't be solved.

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    Children need their relationship with both parents. There is a bonding between parent and child that cannot easily be replaced by a surrogate parent or stepparent. To protect the essential parent-child relationship, you have to insulate children from your own conflict with their other parent. The divorce is not their problem; it's yours. Being a bad wife or husband does not make your spouse a bad parent. So don't hold the children hostage--they are not pawns or bartering pieces in your game.

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