nourishes us in a way that nothing else can. One Saturday, I was working on a speech I had to give the next week and I was feeling the pressure. I heard a little voice calling from the doorway of my office: “Cla-a-a-aire!” It was my step- daughter, Kristina.

“Not now, Honey,” I said, typing f

Years ago when I was working in a mental health center, I served on a committee that was redesigning the communications systems. In one meeting, a committee member named Susan said, “The receptionists sound frantic when they answer the phone. They need to learn to give each caller their complete attention, even when they’re multi-tasking.”

Now that’s a goal to aspire to. There’s just one problem: It’s impossible! Either you’re multi- tasking or you’re giving your full attention, but not both. Nonetheless, lot of us set out to achieve this impossible goal every day. At work you can get away with giving people less than your full attention. Generally speaking, your customers and colleagues are not seeking a deep emotional connection with you. But at home, it’s a different story.

Stop for a moment and think: Does it feel like there’s more tension in your marriage than there used to be? Does your partner seem to have developed a new set of annoying habits? Or do you just have a vague sense that your relationship isn’t as juicy and satisfying as it used to be? Consider the possibility that there’s an attention shortage in your marriage.

Pure attention nourishes us in a way that nothing else can. One Saturday, I was working on a speech I had to give the next week and I was feeling the pressure. I heard a little voice calling from the doorway of my office: “Cla-a-a-aire!” It was my step- daughter, Kristina.

“Not now, Honey,” I said, typing fr

tention, even when they’re multi-tasking.”

Now that’s a goal to aspire to. There’s just one problem: It’s impossible! Either you’re multi- tasking or you’re giving your full attention, but not both. Nonetheless, lot of us set out to achieve this impossible goal every day. At work you can get away with giving people less than your full attention. Generally speaking, your customers and colleagues are not seeking a deep emotional connection with you. But at home, it’s a different story.

Stop for a moment and think: Does it feel like there’s more tension in your marriage than there used to be? Does your partner seem to have developed a new set of annoying habits? Or do you just have a vague sense that your relationship isn’t as juicy and satisfying as it used to be? Consider the possibility that there’s an attention shortage in your marriage.

Pure attention nourishes us in a way that nothing else can. One Saturday, I was working on a speech I had to give the next week and I was feeling the pressure. I heard a little voice calling from the doorway of my office: “Cla-a-a-aire!” It was my step- daughter, Kristina.

“Not now, Honey,” I said, typing f

an get away with giving people less than your full attention. Generally speaking, your customers and colleagues are not seeking a deep emotional connection with you. But at home, it’s a different story.

Stop for a moment and think: Does it feel like there’s more tension in your marriage than there used to be? Does your partner seem to have developed a new set of annoying habits? Or do you just have a vague sense that your relationship isn’t as juicy and satisfying as it used to be? Consider the possibility that there’s an attention shortage in your marriage.

Pure attention nourishes us in a way that nothing else can. One Saturday, I was working on a speech I had to give the next week and I was feeling the pressure. I heard a little voice calling from the doorway of my office: “Cla-a-a-aire!” It was my step- daughter, Kristina.

“Not now, Honey,” I said, typing f

here used to be? Does your partner seem to have developed a new set of annoying habits? Or do you just have a vague sense that your relationship isn’t as juicy and satisfying as it used to be? Consider the possibility that there’s an attention shortage in your marriage.

Pure attention nourishes us in a way that nothing else can. One Saturday, I was working on a speech I had to give the next week and I was feeling the pressure. I heard a little voice calling from the doorway of my office: “Cla-a-a-aire!” It was my step- daughter, Kristina.

“Not now, Honey,” I said, typing f

nourishes us in a way that nothing else can. One Saturday, I was working on a speech I had to give the next week and I was feeling the pressure. I heard a little voice calling from the doorway of my office: “Cla-a-a-aire!” It was my step- daughter, Kristina.

“Not now, Honey,” I said, typing frantically, “I’ve really got to get this done.”

A couple of minutes later, I heard it again. “Cla-a-a- aire!”

“Look, I’ll talk to you in 5 minutes. I really need to concentrate now.”

“Cla-a-a-aire!”

Exasperated, I finally stopped typing and turned to look at her. “All right, what do you want?”

Kristina smiled at me and waved. “Hi!” Then she scampered off.

We grownups are really no different. We all need regular doses of undivided attention to make us feel close, connected, and loved. Here are three guidelines for increasing this kind of attention in your marriage.

Say What You See You might have taken communication classes where they tell you to ask open ended questions, such as, “How did you feel when your boss cancelled the project?” Questions are great, but sometimes you can make people feel more deeply understood by showing that you already get it.

Let her know you notice her behavior. “You seem pretty quiet today.” And then go a step further by guessing how she feels: “I wonder if you’re feeling disappointed because your boss cancelled that project.” If you’re right, she’ll get that wonderful feeling that someone else u