Digg it UP - Confide to be Less Angry in Your Marriage

Let’s eavesdrop to see what we can learn about this fight and what to do about it. —(curtain up)—

Juanita: (to Jose)I can’t sleep unless the windows are wide open. You know that, but insist on closing them every night, just so I’ll be miserable. You are selfish and inconsiderate.

Jose: (to Juanita): This is my house too. Why should I have to freeze? You always get your way. It is so cold in here you could hang meat! Are you trying to get me sick? No NORMAL person would want it this cold! (curtain down)

Is this a solvable problem?

Depends on the specific marriage. For some couples, the solution would be a simple compromise of some sort; for instance, buy a room thermometer and agree to always keep the room at an agreed upon temperature both could live with.

In many marriages, however, a problem like this is not easily solved—it becomes “perpetual”—and trying to “solve” it only creates anger and tension. For Jose and Juanita, this unfortunately was the case.

Why is a simple problem like this not solvable for our couple and in many other marriages? Could be many reasons, but the usual culprits are:

(1) The couple is engaged in a “power” or “control” struggle. This means the fight isn’t about the issue anymore—it is about who will win or lose.

(2) The temperature issue goes deeper and is emotionally tied into other personal or marital issues. If this is the case, the more pressure put on the person to “change,” the more the person resists.

For instance, turns out that Juanita literally panics if in a room without air flow due to issues in her childhood. Depriving her of fresh air flow literally makes her want to fight for her life.

Confiding makes the difference

Let’s now listen in on what Jose and Juanita could have said that may have made a HUGE difference in their communication.

This is because now they are speaking from their hearts —combining empathy (seeing things from the viewpoint of the other) with assertive communication (honestly speaking your feelings and thoughts in a forthright manner) Use of Mini and Micro Grafts in Hair Transplant Surgery
Apart from the treatment of male and female pattern baldness hair loss, hair transplant surgery using micro and mini grafts are now widely used in hair transplant repair procedures and reconstructive surgical hair restoration procedures. With the increased use of micro and mini grafts along with the single hair unit follicular transplants, the reconstructive hair transplant surgeries now account for approximately 8-10% of the total hair restoration surgeries.Because of their small size, the micro and mini-grafts have lower muanita: (to Jose)I can’t sleep unless the windows are wide open. You know that, but insist on closing them every night, just so I’ll be miserable. You are selfish and inconsiderate.

Jose: (to Juanita): This is my house too. Why should I have to freeze? You always get your way. It is so cold in here you could hang meat! Are you trying to get me sick? No NORMAL person would want it this cold! (curtain down)

Is this a solvable problem?

Depends on the specific marriage. For some couples, the solution would be a simple compromise of some sort; for instance, buy a room thermometer and agree to always keep the room at an agreed upon temperature both could live with.

In many marriages, however, a problem like this is not easily solved—it becomes “perpetual”—and trying to “solve” it only creates anger and tension. For Jose and Juanita, this unfortunately was the case.

Why is a simple problem like this not solvable for our couple and in many other marriages? Could be many reasons, but the usual culprits are:

(1) The couple is engaged in a “power” or “control” struggle. This means the fight isn’t about the issue anymore—it is about who will win or lose.

(2) The temperature issue goes deeper and is emotionally tied into other personal or marital issues. If this is the case, the more pressure put on the person to “change,” the more the person resists.

For instance, turns out that Juanita literally panics if in a room without air flow due to issues in her childhood. Depriving her of fresh air flow literally makes her want to fight for her life.

Confiding makes the difference

Let’s now listen in on what Jose and Juanita could have said that may have made a HUGE difference in their communication.

This is because now they are speaking from their hearts —combining empathy (seeing things from the viewpoint of the other) with assertive communication (honestly speaking your feelings and thoughts in a forthright manner) Cabo San Lucas Real Estate - Your Questions Answered - Part 1
Want your Tequila Straight Up Or...'Mas Suave' - A No BS article by David Mandich - Baja California Real Estate and Consulting AdvisorCabo San Lucas, being only two beers away by plane from Southern California, is fast replacing Hawaii as the preferred quick-trip exotic vacation and 2nd home buying destination for many Americans. Almost three million tourists travel to Baja California Sur each year visiting its towns, bays, beaches, islands and golf courses for an average stay of 3.5 days.Some, like me, come for a vge. For some couples, the solution would be a simple compromise of some sort; for instance, buy a room thermometer and agree to always keep the room at an agreed upon temperature both could live with.

In many marriages, however, a problem like this is not easily solved—it becomes “perpetual”—and trying to “solve” it only creates anger and tension. For Jose and Juanita, this unfortunately was the case.

Why is a simple problem like this not solvable for our couple and in many other marriages? Could be many reasons, but the usual culprits are:

(1) The couple is engaged in a “power” or “control” struggle. This means the fight isn’t about the issue anymore—it is about who will win or lose.

(2) The temperature issue goes deeper and is emotionally tied into other personal or marital issues. If this is the case, the more pressure put on the person to “change,” the more the person resists.

For instance, turns out that Juanita literally panics if in a room without air flow due to issues in her childhood. Depriving her of fresh air flow literally makes her want to fight for her life.

Confiding makes the difference

Let’s now listen in on what Jose and Juanita could have said that may have made a HUGE difference in their communication.

This is because now they are speaking from their hearts —combining empathy (seeing things from the viewpoint of the other) with assertive communication (honestly speaking your feelings and thoughts in a forthright manner) Quit Smoking Challenges
For months I considered quitting smoking. I would even set a date to quit only to watch it come and go without quitting smoking. I hated how I felt when I smoked, I hated the smell, I feared that I may get cancer, even worse I was terrified of not being able to see my baby grow up. Yet, it was so hard for me to quit smoking. I had so many good reasons to quit smoking it was baffling to me why I found quitting such a challenge. Time and time again I tried to quit only to fail.To my surprise I decided to take another stab Could be many reasons, but the usual culprits are:

(1) The couple is engaged in a “power” or “control” struggle. This means the fight isn’t about the issue anymore—it is about who will win or lose.

(2) The temperature issue goes deeper and is emotionally tied into other personal or marital issues. If this is the case, the more pressure put on the person to “change,” the more the person resists.

For instance, turns out that Juanita literally panics if in a room without air flow due to issues in her childhood. Depriving her of fresh air flow literally makes her want to fight for her life.

Confiding makes the difference

Let’s now listen in on what Jose and Juanita could have said that may have made a HUGE difference in their communication.

This is because now they are speaking from their hearts —combining empathy (seeing things from the viewpoint of the other) with assertive communication (honestly speaking your feelings and thoughts in a forthright manner) Unlocking GSM Phones
Unlocking your phone is just the reversal of the process of locking. It all concerns with a code, which is put into the phone through certain software. In the same way, software is needed to reverse the logic. This process is available for almost every type of mobile phones today. You have several options for unlocking a phone but the best and simplest way is to use such a service provider expertise, which can do the job for you. Just fill up a form, pay a charge for the service and upon registering with the provider, the unlockin issues in her childhood. Depriving her of fresh air flow literally makes her want to fight for her life.

Confiding makes the difference

Let’s now listen in on what Jose and Juanita could have said that may have made a HUGE difference in their communication.

This is because now they are speaking from their hearts —combining empathy (seeing things from the viewpoint of the other) with assertive communication (honestly speaking your feelings and thoughts in a forthright manner)

Juanita (should have said something like): I feel that I don’t have to put up with this, although I also feel bad that you have to suffer. I tell myself that if you really loved me, you would want me to be comfortable at night.

I also ask myself why should I always give in? I work hard all day too and deserve some consideration. All I’m asking for is a decent night’s sleep, but then, I wonder if I am being too selfish.

Jose (should have said something like): I do really love you and I want you to be comfortable too, but it gets so cold in here at night for me that I can’t sleep.

We both want a good night’s sleep and want to be able to continue sleeping together in the same room. Let’s find a way to discuss it so it doesn’t make us so angry at each other.

Granted, it is not easy to confide when in the heat of marital battle. Consequently, it is often better to first take a time out, calm down and then communicate what is in your heart. The following communication tips will help:

Four communication tips

Tip 1- Don’t only focus on the issue. Also discuss your feelings, thoughts, and inner conflicts surrounding the issue. Confide what is going on in both your heart and your mind.

Tip 2- Look at how you communicate with each other ABOUT the issue. Focus on the process of communication.

Tip 3- Give up needing to be right all the time. Wise and successful married people have discovered that often it is preferable to be happy than to be right!

Tip 4- Convey to your partner that you love them enough to want to join them so together you can find a way to deal with the issue or problem.

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