ong>Be a good listener

You're unlikely to become a sparkling conversationalist overnight -- being a good listener is much easier. Make eye contact and concentrate on what is being said; don't allow yourself to start worrying about what you're going to say next - you'll lose the thread and blow your confidence completely. Remember: interestED people are interesTING.

7. Find a kindred spirit

It may be tempting to hide in the corner of a sofa but if you're standing up people will believe you're approachable.

If you're left on your own and you feel embarrassed look for other wallflowers - the worst that can happen if you try out a conversation opener on one of them is that they won't want to talk to

If you dread parties because they tap into all your insecurities, you feel left out or you're crippled by shyness and you just KNOW that you're going to make a fool of yourself here are some hot tips to help transform seasonal social gatherings into the good times they are meant to be.

And if it all feels too scary, remember that if you keep doing the same things nothing changes. It's time to try something new. Even a tiny change in what you do can make the whole party experience a lot easier and much more fun.

1. Feel your very best

Pamper yourself on the day of the party - eat healthily and drink lots of water. Allow time for a luxurious soak - get the babysitter to come a couple of hours early or book some time off work.

During the day focus your thoughts on what you need to do in order to have a great time, use that thinking to replace the voice in your ear that tries to insist you'll hate it.

Just before you knock on your host's door relax - drop your shoulders, breathe in for a count of five, hold for five, breathe out for five. Repeat this four times and again regularly throughout the evening.

2. Get into ‘host' mode

My mother-in-law was fabulous at parties - she used to take on the role of ‘host' wherever we were. She'd introduce people to each other, tell them where the loo was, generally look after them and make sure they were comfortable. This is an absolute winner, and what's more, because you're focusing on the needs of other people, you forget to feel shy or nervous.

3. Talk to strangers

We've all been taught not to talk to strangers, is there any wonder we struggle at social events? You can overcome that however. In the days before the event plan some ‘conversation openers' to dig you out of the chasm that opens up when you've been introduced to someone and can't think of anything to say. Keep it safe and simple. Ask friendly, open questions that give the other person a reason to talk about themselves. ‘Have you had to drive far to get here?' ‘How do you know our hosts?' ‘This trifle is fabulous, have you tried it?'

4. It's OK to forget someone's name

If you see someone you've met before, but their name escapes you, instead of spending the whole evening scanning the room and keeping your distance, or tying yourself in knots avoiding having to say their name, be up front - reintroduce yourself first, with a big smile, ‘Hi, I'm Jan, I know we've met before, but for the life of me I can't remember your name.' Chances are, they've forgotten yours too and will be very grateful you've told them what it is.

5. Go easy on the G & Ts

You might think that alcohol helps you relax, but what about when you wake up the next morning and remember that you tried to snog the host? Take it steady, make sure you eat something BEFORE the party, maybe even offer to drive so you can't drink at all.

6. Be a good listener

You're unlikely to become a sparkling conversationalist overnight -- being a good listener is much easier. Make eye contact and concentrate on what is being said; don't allow yourself to start worrying about what you're going to say next - you'll lose the thread and blow your confidence completely. Remember: interestED people are interesTING.

7. Find a kindred spirit

It may be tempting to hide in the corner of a sofa but if you're standing up people will believe you're approachable.

If you're left on your own and you feel embarrassed look for other wallflowers - the worst that can happen if you try out a conversation opener on one of them is that they won't want to talk to

time off work.

During the day focus your thoughts on what you need to do in order to have a great time, use that thinking to replace the voice in your ear that tries to insist you'll hate it.

Just before you knock on your host's door relax - drop your shoulders, breathe in for a count of five, hold for five, breathe out for five. Repeat this four times and again regularly throughout the evening.

2. Get into ‘host' mode

My mother-in-law was fabulous at parties - she used to take on the role of ‘host' wherever we were. She'd introduce people to each other, tell them where the loo was, generally look after them and make sure they were comfortable. This is an absolute winner, and what's more, because you're focusing on the needs of other people, you forget to feel shy or nervous.

3. Talk to strangers

We've all been taught not to talk to strangers, is there any wonder we struggle at social events? You can overcome that however. In the days before the event plan some ‘conversation openers' to dig you out of the chasm that opens up when you've been introduced to someone and can't think of anything to say. Keep it safe and simple. Ask friendly, open questions that give the other person a reason to talk about themselves. ‘Have you had to drive far to get here?' ‘How do you know our hosts?' ‘This trifle is fabulous, have you tried it?'

4. It's OK to forget someone's name

If you see someone you've met before, but their name escapes you, instead of spending the whole evening scanning the room and keeping your distance, or tying yourself in knots avoiding having to say their name, be up front - reintroduce yourself first, with a big smile, ‘Hi, I'm Jan, I know we've met before, but for the life of me I can't remember your name.' Chances are, they've forgotten yours too and will be very grateful you've told them what it is.

5. Go easy on the G & Ts

You might think that alcohol helps you relax, but what about when you wake up the next morning and remember that you tried to snog the host? Take it steady, make sure you eat something BEFORE the party, maybe even offer to drive so you can't drink at all.

6. Be a good listener

You're unlikely to become a sparkling conversationalist overnight -- being a good listener is much easier. Make eye contact and concentrate on what is being said; don't allow yourself to start worrying about what you're going to say next - you'll lose the thread and blow your confidence completely. Remember: interestED people are interesTING.

7. Find a kindred spirit

It may be tempting to hide in the corner of a sofa but if you're standing up people will believe you're approachable.

If you're left on your own and you feel embarrassed look for other wallflowers - the worst that can happen if you try out a conversation opener on one of them is that they won't want to talk to

ocusing on the needs of other people, you forget to feel shy or nervous.

3. Talk to strangers

We've all been taught not to talk to strangers, is there any wonder we struggle at social events? You can overcome that however. In the days before the event plan some ‘conversation openers' to dig you out of the chasm that opens up when you've been introduced to someone and can't think of anything to say. Keep it safe and simple. Ask friendly, open questions that give the other person a reason to talk about themselves. ‘Have you had to drive far to get here?' ‘How do you know our hosts?' ‘This trifle is fabulous, have you tried it?'

4. It's OK to forget someone's name

If you see someone you've met before, but their name escapes you, instead of spending the whole evening scanning the room and keeping your distance, or tying yourself in knots avoiding having to say their name, be up front - reintroduce yourself first, with a big smile, ‘Hi, I'm Jan, I know we've met before, but for the life of me I can't remember your name.' Chances are, they've forgotten yours too and will be very grateful you've told them what it is.

5. Go easy on the G & Ts

You might think that alcohol helps you relax, but what about when you wake up the next morning and remember that you tried to snog the host? Take it steady, make sure you eat something BEFORE the party, maybe even offer to drive so you can't drink at all.

6. Be a good listener

You're unlikely to become a sparkling conversationalist overnight -- being a good listener is much easier. Make eye contact and concentrate on what is being said; don't allow yourself to start worrying about what you're going to say next - you'll lose the thread and blow your confidence completely. Remember: interestED people are interesTING.

7. Find a kindred spirit

It may be tempting to hide in the corner of a sofa but if you're standing up people will believe you're approachable.

If you're left on your own and you feel embarrassed look for other wallflowers - the worst that can happen if you try out a conversation opener on one of them is that they won't want to talk to

met before, but their name escapes you, instead of spending the whole evening scanning the room and keeping your distance, or tying yourself in knots avoiding having to say their name, be up front - reintroduce yourself first, with a big smile, ‘Hi, I'm Jan, I know we've met before, but for the life of me I can't remember your name.' Chances are, they've forgotten yours too and will be very grateful you've told them what it is.

5. Go easy on the G & Ts

You might think that alcohol helps you relax, but what about when you wake up the next morning and remember that you tried to snog the host? Take it steady, make sure you eat something BEFORE the party, maybe even offer to drive so you can't drink at all.

6. Be a good listener

You're unlikely to become a sparkling conversationalist overnight -- being a good listener is much easier. Make eye contact and concentrate on what is being said; don't allow yourself to start worrying about what you're going to say next - you'll lose the thread and blow your confidence completely. Remember: interestED people are interesTING.

7. Find a kindred spirit

It may be tempting to hide in the corner of a sofa but if you're standing up people will believe you're approachable.

If you're left on your own and you feel embarrassed look for other wallflowers - the worst that can happen if you try out a conversation opener on one of them is that they won't want to talk to

ong>Be a good listener

You're unlikely to become a sparkling conversationalist overnight -- being a good listener is much easier. Make eye contact and concentrate on what is being said; don't allow yourself to start worrying about what you're going to say next - you'll lose the thread and blow your confidence completely. Remember: interestED people are interesTING.

7. Find a kindred spirit

It may be tempting to hide in the corner of a sofa but if you're standing up people will believe you're approachable.

If you're left on your own and you feel embarrassed look for other wallflowers - the worst that can happen if you try out a conversation opener on one of them is that they won't want to talk to you. It isn't personal; they just haven't read these tips, so move on to the next one.

8. Fake it till you make it

People who don't know you don't know you're shy. This offers a great opportunity to act as if you're not! What would a confident party-goer do? Try it out.

9. Escape from the party bore

If you get stuck with the party bore - excuse yourself for a trip to the loo, by the time you get back they'll have moved on the next victim.

10. Have a great time!

Finally, no one ever turned into a party animal overnight; it's just like any new skill, it takes time, so have fun learning and practicing.